When I was about fifteen or sixteen I just had premonitions that just happened to come true. For example when I was about that age I dreamt that my unmarried and not pregnant aunt had a baby who was light skinned and her name began with a T. Two years later when she had Tyler I kinda freaked out. For some reason I don’t remember if it came to me as a dream or whatever it was but I just knew I was going to have a little girl first.
Part of me knew the reason was because I didn’t want one first and the joke would be on me. Well, since I kinda knew I tried my best to do right by the young ladies I dated because I wouldn’t want stuff like what I did happening to or with her, warp my perception, or even miss out on who I’d be having a daughter with (I know, right? Thinking past yourself can really suck sometimes). Well, nearly two years ago when we found out neither my fiance or I were surprised that we were having one. We had been deliberating boy and girl names but the boy names just felt more like a technicality.
When Cydney was born and her mother was diagnosed my fiance who has been beyond prophetic about things said to me you needed to have a girl first. Raising a little boy through this would not have been easy and you’re not together enough to raise one yet. I can’t be mad at that. She knew me and knew me well and she was right.
Having a little girl first was right for me. First, because Cydney’s mother is no longer with us so its great to have Cydney who looks and reminds us all of her. The second reason is as a single parent with no experience with younger siblings is the easier things for girls such ad potty training. Yes they get way more complicated and stressful as they become teenagers but by then I’ll have enough patience for and hopefully be married to a woman who once was a teenage girl. Then the awesomeness of having a Daddy’s Girl which Cydney came out the womb being one.
The most important reason is it softened me up. Not in the sense that I was a thug or anything but its made me smile a lot more because she learns those things from seeing it, giving lots of kisses and affection and hugs and stuff. Especially with everything that I’d gone through in the last two years I could have easily been jaded and told a little boy how hard life is and trained him to have a chip on his shoulder. There are other little cute perks and things as well as such as just learning girl world (and honestly I think it makes my story much more compelling) that comes with it as well but its what I needed.
By the time I do have a son I’ll be much more complete and that’ll be good for both of us.