In person or even through text messages I’ve been asked and have been putting off writing about it. I’ve put off writing about this because for some that knew my fiance and may not be comfortable with this. I didn’t want to make others uncomfortable but at this point I must be honest. For the umpteenth time in the last few months and especially since I’ve been back in Atlanta I’ve been asked. Well since I was asked on the radio last night I will answer the one question I get more than “How is Cydney?”
“How do you feel about dating?”
I’m cool with it, honestly. I’ve been on a few dates honestly. Most have been with people who I’ve known forever and they wanted to reconnect. For me, it was for of a gage of seeing where I am but I will delve into that in a little bit.
I loved my fiance with all of my heart and never wanted to date again. However, life has thrown different cards and I’ve had to reassess some things. The Most important thing as been acceptance. In February when my fiance was diagnosed with cancer, while knowing and feeling like we could make it through this I accepted that this could not end favourably. When she was diagnosed with stage four cancer and we were told there was a 20% chance of her beating this part of me had to mentally and spiritually prepare for the possibility of Cydney and I living a life without her mother and my fiance. The way that I am wired mental preparation has been the biggest thing in allowing me to adapt pretty quickly.
I’ve read many other blogs from other single parents and none of them have been people my age and have gone through divorce. Many are jaded and come off as saying “I’m just focusing on my kids.” If I had passed away I know my fiance would be someone who couldn’t date for a long time. And that is ok.
It’s all about when you’re ready. I’ven accepted that there will be no marriage and happily ever after with the mother of my child. I have no regrets about her passing away. I told her I loved her everyday, held it down for everything, and don’t have anything I’m regretting saying to her from goodbye to I left the keys in your purse where you asked me to. With that said, I am able to move on without bringing any baggage with me. When I have gone on dates I don’t sit there and reminisce fondly about her or anything. I’ven been able to focus fully on them even if I wasn’t really interested in them (sorry) because that’s what you’re supposed to do. Usually they’ve been the ones to bring her up and ask lots of questions.
Of course dating is generally what leads to relationships. Many Times they are two separate things. I know sometimes I’m asked about dating for curiosity reasons and some for if I can handle a relationship. Of course I can. Am I necessarily looking for one but I’m open to if I date someone and I have intrest in then I’m all for it.
I’ve always been very selective and all of my close friends have made jokes that for the most part I date one kind of woman and I will admit it do have a preference. But my being this way is because I know what works for me. I’ve lived the married life and I know what I can and can’t live with so it doesn’t take long before I know whether or not something works or doesn’t. Even though I’ve changed since my fiance I still am aware of what does and doesn’t work for me. Being that I am that way there’s a lot that I look for when it does come to dating and relationships.
Let’s say that I do get remarried one day and it all happens before Cydney can remember it. This is still a good tool to teach Cydney about dating. She will know whoever is her mother figure is not her birth mother and in me letting her know how I went from her mother to who she knows as her mother is a good lesson in dating from a man’s perspective. It’ll be a good tool in knowing what a real man looks for in a woman, what to look for in a man, and how to be accepting of someone. While I do date mostly for myself (I’m not “mom shopping”) I do partially for Cydney for the aforementioned reasons as well.
The thing about being a parent I guess is eventually you make everything about your life a lesson. Sometimes they’re cautionary tales and some of perseverance. I think this is a testament to the latter.