Ask anyone whose lost their partner and they’ll tell you that first year is hard. You think about your last times together, all of the good things, and wishing you never argued and spent that time another way. I’ve honestly only looked back a lot because the last three years have been three different lives literally.
As it approaches a year since my fiance passed away I thought I’d be pretty sad this time of year thinking about how something so good ended so terribly. Really, I find myself thinking about the future and the past only to write posts to tell my story on this blog. I’m only twenty-six years old and will be twenty-seven on Thanksgiving. I’ve got a lot more living to do and lots to do. I know we all feel really optimistic when the beginning of a new year comes up but this go round is different. I had no idea last year this time what the year would be like.
I’ve hit the bottom and made my own fate. I did that by sowing my seeds into other things and people especially my daughter. Now that everyone is good I can take care of a bunch of other things to further ensure Cydney and my future. I spoke with my “older brother” about all that I was going through and how I was frustrated and feeling stuck because I was ready to move on with my life. As someone a little over a decade my senior he said to me “Look, sometimes God gives you a season to coast. It’s up to you to look at it as being stuck or being a chance to chill and get ready for what’s next.” What he said really gave me some peace and even though there were times I still got anxious I didn’t sweat it.
Not only did I just let it go, but I turned that period into a time of preparation. No sitting around and just waiting for things to happen and get blindsided. You do whatever you can to to sharpen yourself until something comes along.
Feeling a little more prepared and my past truly behind me I can tell you next year this time will be very different.