Mommying

My sister lives in New Jersey. The other night when she showed up at the door, Cydney ran to her saying “Auntie!” And I haven’t seen much of her since. Cydney is a very sociable child. When someone else comes along she likes to talk to them, let them hold her, eat off of their plate n all. That’s a good sign.

Buy she LOVES women and children. When we were in Atlanta she didn’t have much to say to me being around a few other children. I love that even though I halfway have feelings about her leaving me high and dry. She really likes to be around women. Whenever one says “Come, Cydney!” she comes right away if she hasn’t imposed herself on them already. While in DC that’s what she did the whole weekend.

I’m pretty sure she knows something is missing. There’s a mommy thing missing. She says mommy all the time in proper context already and has for sometime. I know I don’t have the same software as a woman does and because I don’t in no way do I try to be a mom. I think I do a great job given the circumstances but concious and unconsciously we all seek voids that we know are missing and being that Cydney has no filter she really goes for hers.

It’s interesting because when she’s with women especially those who are mothers she’s excellent. She puts up no fuss or fights. She even let’s them rock her to sleep and they do so with relative ease. Like I said its not that I don’t or haven’t tried but she just knows. The heart wants what heart wants and Cydney just knows. I’ve said it before I know its going to be hard growing up not knowing or having her mother and yes plenty others have stepped in and made attempts to fill the role. We all try to do our best. In the best case scenario one day I’ll go through the whole being in love and settle down again before Cydney is old enough to remember that there was a mommy void missing. If not, she’ll be just fine anyway.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: