Today’s post is a very important one. If you are just reading this blog for the first time and you have time I would highly recommend reading the first six parts as well so that you can get a better picture of what was going on.
December 8, 2011. That was my fiance and my five year anniversary. I hadn’t been able to talk to her for almost three weeks by then. The only thing I could do was post the following message on Facebook.
I remember it was late when I posted it. Just in case there was a chance that we may have been able to talk that day. By around 11:30 or so when I posted it up I knew that wasn’t happening.
12/9/2011. I woke up early that morning. I had to head to Manhattan to get a copy of my birth certificate. I needed to change my license from a Georgia one back to New York in order to complete my security guard license and of course that was somewhere missing. When I left and was about to hop on the J train heading on my way back to Long Island to go to the quiet DMV where I could be in and out. I wasn’t on twitter as much at the time and just happened to look at my timeline. A classmate of mine Michael sent me a massage saying follow him so that we could direct message (DM). He sent me a message asking how was everything going and how was my fiance doing. Being that I was on the train I answered with what I knew saying “Timile hasn’t been doing too great but she’s been responding well to treatment. Her parents got me in a custody situation 4 my daughter.” He responded “But is she ok? Someone on FB was saying different…” I responded how she’d been in and out of it between chemo and radiation. I got another request from someone else, Victoria asking me the same question. I started to get a little puzzled. Now, the J train is mostly elevated so I was able to respond. There was still a lull in responses which happens from time to time. By the time I got to Jamacia Center in Queens Michael had wrote me back saying he heard that she’d passed away. Shit, I didn’t know. Part of me started feeling a certain way but I still had some running around to do so I was still focused on that. I had to get on the Long Island Rail Road and another bus to get to the DMV. I didn’t even check Facebook because I didn’t want to see anything just yet because of course I had things to do. Victoria and I had exchanged numbers at one point during that ride. One of my fiance’s closes college friends Shechianh called me up sounding very upset. She asked me what was going on with her and I said I had no idea. She told me that people were writing things on Facebook and that she didn’t want to repeat it or say it out loud. I looked on Facebook but didn’t see anything because a lot of my fiance’s classmates were a year younger than me so I wasn’t really friends with a lot of them.
At this point I was sitting in the DMV waiting for my number to get called. Almost right before I got called up to the desk, Victoria sent me a text message saying that my fiance had indeed passed away and her mother called one of their friends and told them. She also said that she was sorry and was even more sorry in how I found out. Yes. I found out that my fiance and mother of my child died through Twitter and it was confirmed by text message. Not by her family, but through friends and acquaintances of hers and mine.
I had to get up and take a photo for my license. I remember Christmas music playing in the background and looking pretty angry in my photo. After all of that I found out that I still owed a couple of parking tickets in Atlanta and had to clear that up first. All of that travel for nothing. Well, not for nothing. I think God didn’t want me to be home and busy while this was going on. On the bus ride back home, I just sat there. I wasn’t too much upset that Timile (my fiance) had passed away as much as I was salty about how I found out. I was so upset that on the bus I saw one of my closest friends from high school Diedre for the first time since 2001 on the bus and I just turned my head because I didn’t feel like speaking at the time. I told myself the next time I saw her I would tell her about that and I’m sorry.
I got home and sat on the steps of my patio with a bottle of a drink Timile liked. I poured it out fer her and almost immediately after is when my phone began blowing up with calls, text messages, and emails of people giving condolences, asking questions, and paying respects. I felt like I was telling the story over and over again.
By the time there was a small break in between phone calls I had a moment to think to myself. I was sad that Timile was gone but at this point I was used to not seeing and talking to her so that I was prepared for. I was actually relieved. I wasn’t relieved that she was free from pain and in a better place; I we relieved that the gloves could come off. It was wartime and I had to get my little girl back. I didn’t have to worry about suing Timile or there being any more damage done between her family and mine. It could get ugly and me not at all having to worry about not one person’s feelings. They set the stage in Virginia and confirmed that it was on the moment they never called me.
That evening my father took me out to TGIFriday’s to just have me out and try to cheer me up. We just sat and talked as I continued to answer many text messages that were pouring in. I didn’t look on Facebook for a few days. I didn’t want to see that just yet. My father and I had a drink and raised one up to a person who meant something special to both of us.
The next morning I woke up looking forward to Monday when I could get back to business and get Cydney back. Timile’s family in Buffalo had called me saying that they were told they weren’t invited to the funeral and that Timile’s mother was trying to send text messages between her and I and trying her best to make me look bad. How do I know that this is true? Here is a text message sent from her phone a day after she died that was accidentally sent to me. Almost immediately after I called my big brother Barry and he just told me to keep it calm and not worry. I then called up her mother to send condolences and recorded the message that I sent so that there was a time and record that I indeed have had contact with them and tried to reach out. And so it began…
That night, I dropped my father off to the airport. He told me tearfully in the car to let my boys take care of me that night and that I needed that. After I dropped him off, I headed to the hood to hang out with my friends since middle school Gabe, 360, K. Starr, Kalique, and James in Lefrak City, Queens. It was good to see a lot of them and just chill like it was any other night and know your people got your back. As everyone came in one by one into the apartment everyone gave condolences and in lighthearted ways said “Yo, don’t worry we found out on Facebook too.” and just trying to keep things light.
12/11/2012: Chapter 1 of a brand new story.