Back To Buffalo

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Tomorrow Cydney and I are heading back to Buffalo for the first time since October 2011. I’m taking Cydney on the birthday tour since she’s got people some of everywhere who would like to see her. I’m looking forward to it and I know the family is as well.

I kinda hated Buffalo at first. It was March 23 when I got there and the next day it snowed five inches and then did it again in April! I wasn’t mentally prepared for that. My days at first consisted of a newborn infant crying all night and be having her 18-20 hours of that time and taking a break driving around the belt and along Lake Eerie just to get out of the house and try to make sense of all that was going on at one time. There were lots of stressful times due to adjustments that needed to be made and that one time shit got REAL and Timile and I had cops called on us.

Eventually it got warm and things got better. Timile’s family was and has been supportive through all of that’s gone on. We were only there seven/eight months but it felt like a good two years how much went on during that time.

More than anything it’s interesting heading back because of what Buffalo represents to me. It’s pretty much the only place where Cydney, Timile, and I were actually a family. We had six weeks in New York but all of seven days of Timile not being in the hospital. By the time I got to Virginia, Timile was in the hospital, heavily medicated, and I was told (lied to) that I couldn’t be around like that because of the social worker so I only saw her for maybe an hour a day and she’d be in and out of it. We only had a little amount of time where the three of us were together in Virginia as our family so I don’t really count that other than our last.

Looking back, it feels like Buffalo was where our relationship ended. It was a struggle but it was our struggle. No cable, poor wireless reception in that part of the house, a twin bed’s box spring sleeping on yoga mats and couch cushions with Cydney in a pack and play all while trying to tackle cancer and do the best we could in the circumstances. Buffalo was a struggle but it was a good time. We still had each other and our relationship was probably its strongest during that time. It was the last place we went on dates and all of that.

I remember when I left Buffalo for the last time just knowing things were going to be different. I had no idea how but I just knew it would be. I know for the most part everything there is the same, so Cydney and I going back is a litmus test to see how much we’ve changed since the last time we were there. Yes she’s bigger, I’m smaller and have a lot less hair, but it’s all of the other things that have happened in between that should make seeing how drastic of a change it’s really been.

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