Last night, I found myself watching Alicia Keys on Oprah’s Master Class. There was a time in my life when like many others my age my love for her was real and you couldn’t tell me otherwise that she was singing about me. I kid (kinda). Well, in watching it I came to two revelations: one of them being that I am still kicking myself over not taking my piano lessons seriously. I totally get why ALL of my music teachers hated me.
The second came about forty minutes into the program. She started talking about when she met her husband, Swizz Beatz. She started off with the old phrase “You know when you know.” I’ve heard it a million times as well and I agreed and disagreed. You absolutely do know. It may not be right away, but eventually you do.
The controversy of Alicia Keys and her husband comes from the fact that when they started seeing each other he was married to someone else. In theory, that sounds all bad. Lots of confusion, adulterous affairs, and home-wrecking. I’ve had a lot of friends and peers of mine say that she was in fact a home-wrecker. My thought was that was a little too harsh not necessarily knowing all of the details. The thing about being young and still being young is that for the most part you’re inexperienced in life so your look on things are fairly idealistic. In theory, they are right. In reality, wrong. Who’s to say that the the home wasn’t already “wrecked”” How do we know that the first marriage was supposed to happen in the first place and that wasn’t just going with one’s heart and not listening to God or whatever higher being you believe in’s plan?
It got me to thinking about Timile and me. When we met, I knew we were supposed to be friends. Eventually when just being flirty and showing signs of interest, I wasn’t sold on her because it we didn’t seem like the right fit on the surface. However, in a little bit of time i knew she was supposed to be someone I was supposed to be with. I just knew she was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
Looking back, I was who she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. That was just five short years together but a lifetime nonetheless. I hate to say this but I guess it’s cathartic to say that unfortunately Timile wasn’t the love of my life. I look back to all of the things that we were to and for each other and knowing who I am now our thing wasn’t supposed to be forever. Why? Because there were big and little things that said so. I guess I look at who I am right now I know that some of our personality traits wouldn’t have fit down the line. And that makes sense because now and eventually I will be a different person than I was while we were together. It sucks, but sometimes that’s how life is for some of us. Some people are fortunate to meet someone the classic way and the struggle that comes along with life brings you and your spouse closer. Sometimes the adversity comes in the beginning and things get interesting or its fairly smooth sailing along the way.
Experience is the best teacher. It’s the cruelest of ways to learn because the lesson comes when the circumstances are over but it stays with you much better that way. Experience also brings context. You tend to look at things way past the surface and not so ideally because your life lessons have told you things usually are always more complicated. Whenever the conversations about “home-wrecking” came up I always thought “nah” just because most of the people giving conclusions have not been married, had no children, or were newly married in which the furthest extent of their problems were just what would be considered “adjusting.” And that’s fine. I just didn’t have that experience. I guess the point in all of this is to say something to a lot of my followers and readers whether its about AK and Swizz Beatz, my circumstances, or others is that eventually things get more complicated than “Boy meets girl…” As you get older “Boy meets girl but is married and knows he shouldn’t be,” “Boy meets girl with kids,” “Girl meets boy in a serious and seemingly happy relationship but its not supposed to be but you know and you gotta make some shit happen.” You never know. No matter what those may be, you have to make peace with what got you to where you are and someone will probably see through those voids you may have and be able to fill them. And you never know who that person is until you meet them.