Honesty: A Dating Piece

Yesterday I was reading an article on who is becoming a good friend of mine’s website Kia Speaks Also. It was an article about being honest when it comes to dating/relationships. I was all for it. The first thing I thought about was Chris Rock’s stand up Bigger and Blacker where he talks about dating. He jokes about how at first everyone lies. You don’t meet the actual person, but their representative. I’ve found that to be a very accurate statement. Nine and a half out of ten times people make themselves seem good and on their best behavior in an effort to be presentable and trying to put their best foot forward.

I told my friend that her article made me think so we need to have a conversation about this and to expect a post based on this post she presented. It became a long conversation about dating. Once again, this isn’t something I’ve really done since I was twenty so I needed to talk out my experiences after losing someone I planned on spending the rest of my life with.

She asked me if I found dating to be different. I replied “Not really. However, my approach is different.” I’m all about being very honest and candid. I told her how just about everyone has questions about Timile. I find it to be awkward because the last thing I’m bringing up is someone’s past, but I guess I have an interesting so people want to know about it. At this point, those experiences have become a part of me so its one of those things I wind up talking about in great detail. In being honest I answer all questions. Generally I do that with just about any questions that are asked.

We talked in detail for hours about the different people I’ve had interactions with in the last year and a half. If we’ve gone out, talked extensively, or anything else under the clear blue sky: you came up. Since many of us went to college together at one point or another I never brought up names. I talked about how people were similar and different. To anyone who has heard a story or two from me in the time can attest to I have some interesting stories that are quite entertaining.

Since I’m usually orating these tales I don’t think too much of them. This conversation was via gchat so it was interesting actually reading these situations and actually being face to face with them. I wasn’t just telling these anecdotes to a friend, I was being honest with myself.

The main thing I’ve noticed is that I do have some bad habits. What is the main bad habit? I’d rather not say in this particular medium because it may or may not arouse questions. I will just say this: we attract what we’re looking for. I always say jokingly I don’t look for trouble, but trouble always finds me. Me saying that makes me laugh because when I would leave a date or meeting up with someone the common phrase said to me right before goodbye is “Stay out of trouble!” It makes sense that such a phrase is uttered frequently because usually whoever and I are both not looking for something long term. I know I wasn’t so my main bad habit that comes up a lot is my insurance policy that almost garuntees long term doesn’t happen. This isn’t necessarily a good practice and isn’t because I’m not over Timile or anything; its me reverting back to what I used to do before I started dating Timile. When starting over with anything you usually start back at square one picking up right where you left off and figure out what needs to change.

We spoke extensively about one person in particular. Yes, that situation wound up having the most interesting stories but I hardly divulged into those. My friend had lots of questions about it. She said she learned a lot about me through it. Its not someone I talk to many about in great detail so it was a good thing to see and analyze. My friend joked and said what is a common colloquial phrase that I am “About that life.” Maybe it was how I spoke about it that touted the most questions because while talking about it we seemed to have a certain chemistry. I was able to look at it from the outside looking in and  say that it was a learning experience. What I appreciated the most about that time was that as honest as I was she was as well; and that is probably why we clicked. The elephant in that room will probably die of starvation because it won’t be addressed.

In being transparent throughout this conversation and being translucent to you all is that in order to be completely honest with others, you must be honest with yourself. I am able to talk about Timile, court dates, and such on first dates is that I have been truthful with myself which has given me past. My past in almost any facet of my life stays there so I can address whatever and whoever is in front of me presently. People appreciate that.

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