What Mother?

A few days ago, Cydney woke up and we were going through what was our normal routine.  I looked at her, rubber her on her head and said “You look like your mother right now!”  She responded “What mother?”

Man!  My heart dropped for a moment when she said that.  Not in a completely sad way.  It was more like it skipped a beat when you see someone you have a crush on somewhere or out of nowhere someone else brings them up (Not to self: there’s another post in this sentence).  That quick gasp got me.  Children have no filter and call things as they see it.  Cydney can look at a picture of Timile and knows its “Mommy” instantly.  It doesn’t matter the picture, either.  I keep her present somehow in Cydney’s life as much as possible.  I try to do so by telling her she looks like her mother, I show her pictures, we pray for her every night, and of course by request we must sing “My Ladybug” as Cydney calls it.  

Cydney knows what a mommy is and that she has one.  I think she has somehow figured that there is a difference between a mommy and a mother.  The litmus test was right after Cydney dropped the bomb, my mother asked if my nephew is her mother and she said “no.”  She then asked Cydney if she was her mother and she said “Yes.”  So the concept is there, but she knows that “Cacky” is not her mother.  As I have said over and over again, I think that Cydney is seeking a mother figure from others.  My sister and my mother do play the role and try their best to fill the void; but it seems like she’s looking for it in others.  I’ve seen her get upset on a few occasions in which when she was upset she ran to a female friend of mine when I was right there.  If there’s me who she normally runs to when she’s upset; or the option of a woman who isn’t blood related that she is comfortable with she will run to them.  There’s nothing I can do about that.  It may even seem burdensome to a couple of my friends.  I’m sorry.  She’s even referred to a friend of two as Mommy all the while know who “Mommy” really is.

The reality is, that Cydney gets really attached to certain women.  There’s three that she really does.  She tends to ask (and sometimes demand) for me to take her to them immediately.  I appreciate that they have been something even if they may not realize it or it could possibly be that it fills the void of playing with cute kids that they may have.  She The more she’s with me, I think the more she feels a void.  I would think that I’m over thinking this, but my experience with children says they’re geniuses who understand things as well as adults do.  They just don’t have much of an active memory to make them forget or a filter and a myriad of experiences that that hold them back from saying or doing what they really feel.  One thing Cydney does is speak her mind and I want to continue to encourage her to do that as much as possible, even if it’s at my emotional expense.

3 thoughts on “What Mother?

  1. I was really touched by this post! you have great insight on your child and in general especially for a male! (smile)


  2. My mother died when I was 20 and I have the same tendencies as your daughter. I have about ten mothers in my life that are continuously guiding me through womanhood. It sounds silly to most people but the need for a mother is real. I don’t use the term mom with them but I consider them my mothers. I thank God for sending them to me. I’ll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.



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