A Message From Heaven

Yesterday I made my what seems to be monthly trip to church.  Since I usually get about three hours of sleep a night, Sunday mornings are usually when I try to catch up on rest and take it easy during the afternoon watching football.  It was Men’s Day, and after I heard that Jeremiah Wright (Yep, that Jeremiah Wright) blessed the congregation Friday and Saturday with an incredible word, I felt compelled to go that Sunday.  The men’s choir began to sing an old time religion song and it sounded vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn’t quite figure out the song.  Then they began to sing the chorus “I’m cooooooomin’ up…On the rough siiiiide of the mountain!”  I knew exactly what song it was.  Cydney stood up, began to clap, and try to sing along.  She was definitely into it.  With a smile on her face, my mother looked at me and said “I didn’t want to give away what the song was” and rubbed me on my back.  

It was one of Timile’s favorite songs as a kid.  I used to joke on her for being such an old lady for liking that song.  It was a song my grandfather used to play all of the time when I was growing up.  Whenever she’d play that song, I always had a screenshot memory in my head of being in my grandmother’s living room, sitting on the green carpet, hearing the song play on the record player that sat there, and seeing the album cover.  Just a thought that pops up.  I didn’t really think of that, this time.  I looked at my little girl having a moment in the spirit, at happy as she can be.  I didn’t think much of the moment as being anything other than a coincidence.  My grandfather loved those old time religion songs and it was fitting that a group of older men were singing such a song on the Sunday that was designated for them.  My mother said I should take a picture of Cydney during the song, so I did.  She then said to me “That was definitely a message from heaven” with a wide smile on her face.  I smirked.

When I posted the pictures in The Weekend In Pictures post, my father responded to it on Facebook.  He wrote “Do u see Timile Brown in her hair in the Amen! picture?”  I responded that my mother had pretty much said the same thing.  He said “It looks like a scene from a movie.”  Later he re-posted the picture on his own page with the caption “AMEN!!!! I see ya Timile. Smilin’. You couldn’t help but stop by church and show us some glory.”  He also wrote ” Every time I look at this picture I smile. I fully expect a visit in my dreams soon.”  Like I said, I didn’t see it at first or think too much of it.  But it was confirmation because my mother had said the same thing.  That’s the thing about parents.  No matter how old our children are, we are trained to see the things that our young don’t.  Sometimes we let them know that we do, and sometimes we don’t.  I still don’t know what it means other than while I am here looking after my daughter, her mother is from where she is.

Times are changing.  My outlook and everything around me is.  It’s that time of year where I tend to start over.  My birthday is less than a month away, so it makes sense that I look around and reevaluate.  Two years ago is when shit got real, we moved to Virginia, and the hardest and loneliest part of my life began.  I think my parents see this.  They don’t acknowledge it often, but every once in a while they say something to me.  A couple of weeks ago, my mother said to me randomly “I’m really sorry for what you’ve had to endure.”  I looked at her and said thank you.  It feels good to know someone sees that as much as I have moved on and kept it moving that two years ago changed me.  It did.  I was cynical before, and I have become very cynical since.  Thank God I have my daughter to soften me up.  Sometimes I need the reminders to be human I guess.  The last thing my father said to me was “You’re doing good. Hang in there. Things will get better.”

They already are…

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