Don’t Make A New Year’s Resolution

From Christmas until around January 6th people tend to get very reflective. They look back on the last year to see what they’ve accomplished, how much of their vision board has come to fruition, making resolutions they will be gun ghost on until about January 6th, and so on. January 2, 2014 I find myself thinking about how the last four Januarys started and what life was like.

January 2011 started off in Connecticut. Timile went to spend New Year’s with my best friend from high school, his wife, and their two children. We spent the night up there in the woods of Waterbury just getting out of New York. Things err hectic and there was lots of tension so we both needed to get out even though we had just spent a good portion of December in Virginia. We ate at Applebee’s and had the real small town experience with good people and headed back home that afternoon. My best friend is now divorced and living in Tennessee and very often we talk about how different life has been.

Timile’s birthday was a few days away so I spent that time figuring out what I was going to do for it. I was looking forward to starting my family in about two months when our daughter would get here and life would be great.

January 2012 life had been exponentially dissimilar to 2011. Cygnet came, Timile was diagnosed, Timile and cud ye were gone and after living in New York, Buffalo, and Virginia I was back home trying to figure things out. I’d decided that I’m going to be different. Weighing 255lbs I’d gained 25lbs in the last year and said I was going to lose the weight. On New Year’s Eve I cut my locs I had been growing for six years and reinvent myself. I had already began the process of regaining custody of my daughter and was looking forward to my first court date which would have been Timile’s twenty-sixth birthday on the fourth.

January 2013 was interesting. Looking back I’d accomplished quite a bit during that time. I was fifty pounds lighter, had regained custody of my little girl, and started this blog here which had just cracked over two thousand views in four months. Cydney and I spent New Years in DC with me messing around with someone I probably shouldn’t have. But it was cool and worth it. It became an interesting experience and it wound up being the right preparation I needed for what was coming along that year. I look back at that time and laugh just because so much stuff was just wrong. Sometimes you need to really go forth with bad habits in order to break them.

Here I am in January 2014. The last year wasn’t so much about reinvention as it was about refinement and construction. At 185lbs (give or take the crap I’ve eaten over the holidays) I am seventy pounds lighter than I was two years ago. Cydney is getting bigger and becoming more and more rebellious and will be three next month. Writing this blog had turned my being a writing into a profession. Whiled I’m not seeing any major checks I am getting paid to do this now thanks to the thirty-two thousand of you who’ve read my stories. I’ve really learned to take risks this last year and not let fear or failure hold me back. At one point I learned to love again and willing to do the work. Here I am again looking forward to another court date on the sixth once again with Timile’s parents in what I hope will be the last time (something inside of me says it will not though). There’s a lot going on in the next year and I’m pretty excited.

I write all of this to say that our plans and God’s plans are very different. Most people’s lives don’t change as drastically as mine have in the course of three years but that’s how it is. There you are one day planning out what you think is a pretty dope forever and then things change; and they keep changing. They keep happening to force a paradigm shift. The more you resist it the more harsh that shift comes and you’ll be forced to anyway. Once your outlook changes you see things differently. You. Still have no idea where you’re going but then faith kicks in. You keep doing what you’re doing and looking at things differently and new opportunities comes along. They were there the whole time but you couldn’t see them being who you were before. Once the world changes around you, then you adapt. Adaptation means breaking and building habits. After you adapt you master. Once you master you change things for those around you. Then it’s time for a new paradigm shift. If you make a resolution for anything this year let it be that.

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