It’s Good to See My Friends Growing Up

With the exception of one or two, none of my closes friends live in New York.  We’re all over the country.  I haven’t seen many of them in years.  Every once in a while we’ll talk and just catch up on life confirming and getting the details on stories we’ve seen on social networks and such.  Then we won’t speak for months or maybe even years.

In the last month or two I’ve seen two of my best friends.  If they haven’t turned thirty then they (myself included) are somewhere between knocking on the door or are across the street.  Life is very different for all of us and it’s interesting to see or hear that.  The common consensus between all of us is that we are admitting we’re lame now.  No one goes out that much anymore unless it’s someone’s birthday.  My best friend from high school said all he wanted to do when he turned thirty which was a week away at the time was sit at home and watch movies.  I understood that.  Most of us are family men, married, or settled down now-in fact, I’m the only single one not in a long term relationship-and opt for tranquil days of no kids, a drink, and maybe a decent night of sleep.  That’s very different from when we were all in Atlanta and everyone would be out and about all the time.  

I spoke with my friend K’jai last night (sorry if I’ve spelled that wrong, it’s been like ten years and I’ve never got it right since I say it way more than I write it) for a good two hours.  I haven’t seen or spoken to him in nearly three years.  K’jai was one of my friends that was part of the music crew back in the Morehouse days and was the one I kicked it with the most around 2005.  He was a wild boy.  Always had a crazy story to tell about himself and some girl he’d been running around with.  I sent him a message on Facebook to call me because I had been secretly working on a project and wanted a verse from him on this song.  We spoke about that for about two sentences and just got into life.

He told me about the girl he’d been seeing for some time now.  This guy was settled down for real.  I had to clown him about it because Facebook said that he was all in love and I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t make jokes at his expense.  That’s what we always did, though: talk shit.  If you can’t handle any of us talking shit and can’t throw it back then you won’t last long especially in my inner circle.  While I don’t display what has been going on with me he insinuated that he’d heard the rumor of who I hand been hanging around recently since we all know each other (Yep, we laughed about you too).  He said “Aww that’s sweet” about something I said and I told him “I always knew you were a simp…you are the kettle to my pot right about now.” 

It was really interesting hearing him out of all people talk about this girl, though.  He’s been a parent longer than all of us with his son turning ten soon.  But I just always knew him as the wild guy.  Still the same asshole he’s always been deep down there was a change in his voice.  I could tell he was very happy with her and I’m glad to see that who he’s with made him grow up.  Then he really started sounding like an old man talking about how he can’t stand these young kids and the things they do.  I agreed with him which of course makes me feel like an old man too.

Ten years doesn’t seem like a long time ago but it really is.  In 2004 I was eighteen years old.  Technically an adult but I was still a kid.  I would say that the transformation that is the twenties is the most drastic.  From birth to ten you go from nonexistence to a fully functioning person with an imagination and independent thought; but you’re still a child in which you don’t provide anything for yourself.  Those tween and teenage years come hormones, stupid decisions, and adulthood; however your actions don’t really have any major ramifications and more than likely you’re still dependent to some extent.  From twenty to thirty everything changes.  You’re a fully functioning member of society and those first few years are wild and crazy celebrating your independence and having little cares in the world other than yourself.  By the end of the decade more than likely not only are you responsible for yourself but someone else: married, close to married, and/or children.  By the end of your twenties your life is really about preparing for the rest of your life and the lives you will be responsible for in the future.  I still have nearly two years until I turn thirty, but in my mind and heart I feel much older.

I guess it was bound to happen.  You just don’t think about that kind of thing until after it happens…part of growing up.

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