Finally Purging

I haven’t written much on here within the last week.  I used to write six days a week.  The first half of 2014 has been me coming to grips with a lot of things over the lest few years and finally beginning to deal.  I have been tired, in desperate need of a vacation, more money, and been mustering up what little patience I have to trying to be a decent father.  I don’t have much patience at all these days.  I just don’t feel like talking to children most days.  I need to miss them after a long day or a weekend.  I know, there are no real days off; but I’ve just been running and dealing with problems without having the time to restore myself after these last four years.  Timile’s pregnancy was horrible and I caught flack from my family and her because for most of the time they were not getting along.  I was the one in the middle and it sucked.  You all kind of know the rest of the story…

Since last Friday I have started writing an e-book (Yep, that’s right!).  It’s going to be about twenty or so essays of stories I haven’t posted on here chronicling different aspects of the last four years with music being the narrator.  Writing about topics has had me reliving moments I haven’t given much thought to or have suppressed because I have been keeping it moving.

Writing these essays has been very cathartic.  I am finally releasing all that I have been internalizing.  I’m enjoying the process as well.  I have been laughing to myself the whole way.  I love taking on and completing a new project, so any chance that I get I have been sitting in front of my computer to write.  If not, I am fulfilling my fatherly duties, or taking a break just to think about what I am going to write about next.

While it has been good to purge my thoughts out it has taken a physical toll on me.  I’ve been writing at a pretty frantic pace-fifteen essays done clocking in at about 20,000 words all while enjoying my nephew’s birthday festivities over the weekend-and it’s exhausting.   I’ve woken up from naps and nights feeling almost drunkenly disoriented, chest pains from stress and I assume reliving heartache amongst other things.  But it’s all good.  I’m beginning to feel emotions and I am allowing myself to let it happen.  Seeing my thoughts in front of me on “paper” is allowing me to come face to face with my thoughts, flaws, insecurities, rights, and wrongs.  I welcome it all.

So far the few people I have let read an essay or two have been entertained.  I should have one up by the end of the week to share with you guys as well.  I’ve got writing to do…

Soccer Dad Chronicles coming tomorrow.

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