The Adjustment Process

Last Friday I came home to Cydney pretending to be a cat and she laid in my lap.

My second week at my new job is coming to an end. My body is already used to twenty hour days with four hours of rest; however there’s an adjustment period anytime there’s a drastic change to one’s lifestyle.

The biggest adjustment in my life is Cydney. I wake up around 5:30 am, pretend I’m going to work out (read: lay in bed until 6:05), and I’m out the door by 6:45. Coming into Manhattan from Long Island I try to beat the morning rush. This means I’m out the door before Cydney wakes up. I get off of work at 6 pm and my train back home leaves at 6:45. I get home around 7:45 pm and my little girl is too happy to see me. Being that it’s summer she is awake for a few hours. By September when I get home it will be almost bedtime.

I’m super excited to see Cydney when I get home. She wants me to drop everything and just focus my attention on her. I’m tired. I help my mother out who has been watching grandkids all day and try to make sure she eats, do dishes, get her clothes ready for the next day, bathe her, and try to get her into bed.

Bedtime has almost always been stressful with Cydney. She fights sleep by crying up a storm in my ear. This has been multiplied by thirty since she’s been going through the “I don’t have a mom phase” and another twelve since I haven’t been home.  She passes out around midnight. I’ll still have writing to do and will get to sleep around 1:30 am.

I got home late last night because after work I had a meeting about putting together a book and then a work event to show my face at. I left early and got home by 11 pm hoping to see my baby for a minute before she fell asleep. In my travels I saw a man holding the hand of a little Spanish girl who was about five years old and I smiled thinking about how that would be us next year. That made me excited about getting home. When I got home Cydney jumped out of my mother’s bed and said she was staying with me. As we laid in the bed she said “You have to go to work to make a lot of money for me?” I replied “Yep!” She smiled, showed me her painting she made at school and fell asleep on my chest.

This morning I woke up and was getting dressed. Cydney woke up, looked at me, and asked me where was I going. I told her I was leaving for work. She began to cry. It was the heartbreak cry. Cydney began to say “No! Please don’t go!” I said “I have to.” I held her trying to get her to fall back asleep. She balled up in a fetal position, waved me off, and said “Go!” That hurt because she was hurting.

I continued getting dressed and she begged me to not go. I told her I would be back home this afternoon. As I got the rest of my things together to head out I heard her screaming as she ran into my mother’s room. I went in to give her a kiss on her forehead.

We’re both adjusting. I’ve known whenever I am no longer working from home that I would get very busy. This is part of the process, but it isn’t easy nonetheless. I’m going to make sure I spend some quality time with just the two of us this weekend.

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