One of my best friends since high school got remarried this past Friday in Tennessee. He moved down there almost two years ago for his dream job and was in the midst of a nasty divorce. They had two children together and through it all he has been a great father to them.
In May of 2013 he was in New York handling some business and we went out. We were talking about life and I showed him a picture of this girl I had just started seeing and he knew by the way I talked about her she was a pretty big deal. He then pulled out his phone and told me he had recently met the girl whose picture he was showing off. I was happy for him. After all I know that he’d been through it was good to see him smiling again.
We talked every so often and I would ask how things were going. He was turning into a different man than the one I had known since I was thirteen. He was going to church, telling me about lessons he had learned from the sermon, and that the girl he was seeing was the reason why. I clowned him for turning into a southern church boy because I had to do it.
This past June he called me and let me know he was coming to town and wanted me to meet her. Of course I had to do it. He also told me that he was going to propose to her. I got to his parents’ house shortly after he got on one knee. I said to his new fiancé “I’m not here to see him. I came to meet you!” My friend couldn’t be happier showing her off. I’d never seen him be like this about a girl, ever; including his ex-wife.
Last Sunday I ran into his mother. I was driving with my mother to my nephew’s football game, I saw her going for her morning walk, and stopped her to say hey. She said “Have you spoken to your boy recently?”
“Nah,” I replied. She said “He’s getting married on Friday. So you should call him to curse him out.” Out of respect for his mother’s wishes I did just that.
With his story on my mind I sent him a text message Friday morning because I felt compelled to write about him and I wanted his permission to do so. He called me and I was there for him like a best man but over the phone. I asked if he had something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and told him to be careful when he throws his bouquet to his bridesmaids.
After making fun of him for a little, his ex-wife had come up in the conversation from both of us and I said “Fuck her. We’re here because of one woman!” This shit right here is a huge fucking deal! Today is gonna be the day you all will remember on the bad days and is the start of the rest of your life.”
I was truly happy for my man. He left the place that he’d known on faith. He had no idea what God would possibly have in store for him. He became a changed man and he was blessed with someone who wanted to share life’s journey with him. In spite of some fairly fucked up circumstances he never got jaded and took that out on someone else. He was willing to try again as if the first time didn’t happen. Now he’s her husband and because he loves her dearly, the father to her son.
I told him I better see some pictures, when he gets deflowered that night that it may hurt the first time but it gets good, and to text me the garter since I’m not there to catch it.
Without realizing it my best friend gave me a little hope. I had been through some pretty rough experiences that have made me even more cynical than I was before I met Timile.
I have been unafraid to try again, yet there was always a part of me holding back. Not because I was afraid; but because there was a phobia of the unknown. I’m not looking for someone to be a substitute to Timile that could never fill her shoes because that’s false. My mother said it to me last night and gave words to what was just a feeling to me just last night. She said “Timile met you because her spirit knew it was leaving soon and she needed the best person she could find before she left.” Not that I think I’m the best at anything, but it was in fact true. I told her some stories about the beginning of our relationship that confirmed what she thought. I say all of that to say that while Timile was once here she isn’t anymore. I have been blessed with a wonderful little girl and as much as I would love for her to have a new mother that’s not what I’m looking for…Just someone who could be good company until one of us goes. For that I’d give her the world. For being there for Cydney I’ll throw in Venus and Mars as well.
I want to thank my boy for reminding me and solidifying some of my thoughts by just living and being an example.