My Life in 100 Songs: Dilemma by Nelly and Kelly Rowland

Last night I was supposed to write; but I was too tired to do so. After the nightly ritual/struggle of putting Cydney to bed I sat down on the couch and started flipping through channels. I stopped on BET seeing that it was 10:35pm and Nellyville was on. I watched most of last season and I thought it was a good show. Well, maybe my opinion is biased because a series about a single black father is must-see television for me.

I tuned in to see that Nelly was taking his oldest daughter and nephew-who he is raising as his son-to Atlanta for their respective 21st and 24th birthdays to party.

As they all were in the VIP section, out came a cake, and Nelly wished his now fully grown daughter a happy birthday. He handed her the mic and they sang his hit song “Dilemma” together. I found the moment to be very sweet.

I have such a soft side for all things father-daughter. I see any of it and I think of Cydney and me. Clearly what I really am doing is seeing myself in these moments. I’ll observe fathers on the subway walking hand and hand with their little girls and I think to myself “I can’t wait to get home to my girl,” or I’ll internally inquire what will Cydney be like at that age” if they’re older. These were my thoughts while watching Nelly and his pride and joy onstage sharing drinks and singing together.

I think Cyd and I will always be tight. We’ll have times where we won’t get along and she won’t like the way I do things. I’m her super hero. She is quick to tell a stranger “My daddy can do anything” with conviction and I can see that she believes that when she looks me in the eye. One day Cydney will realize that I am a mere mortal with flaws and that day will be a little sad for both of us. However, I’d like to think she’ll learn to love me a little more because I’m human. Even then, there will be moments where she looks at me with stars in her eyes as if there isn’t anything I can’t do.

Shortly after I went to bed. Cydney stayed awake. She whispered in my ear “I love you, daddy” and I told her that I loved her, too. She then stayed awake and tried to talk my ear off until I said “Look, go to bed!”

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