“And no I ain’t perfect. No one walking this earth’s surface is.”
I told a girl I was dating that I like imperfections. The things that I-we all-don’t like about the people we love are just responsible for the quirks that make for some of their finest qualities. For instance, I have a big mouth. I talk a lot of shit and tend to put my foot in my orifice. However, the same quality that gets on people’s nerves is what makes me witty and a pretty funny guy. I have no problem coming off flawed.
I say this because I have been thinking a lot about social media. I look on the various platforms and see many of my friends living amazing lives: the vacations they go on, their amazing marriages when I know from experience how much one argues with their spouse, avatars of perfect pictures that people look nothing like in real life, the #fakedeep inspirational quotes people aspire to but don’t really abide by, and what have you. You love your job and ever since you were a little kid you dreamed of being (insert job you compromised for a check _____). It seems as if the only time people are honest is when someone has broken their heart.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m the only one struggling. I work long days, raise my kid, and sleep very little just to do it all again. This is one of the main reasons that I write and post things up. I like to look at my thoughts as if I’m confronting issues. I share bits and pieces of them because while our experiences may be different, we all have felt the same emotions. For someone who gets paid to write, I could care less if my grammar is on point and sentence structure is fucked up…it’s as imperfect as I am.
Sometimes I say corny shit. I don’t give a fuck because we all do and it probably came from a heartfelt place. I have had English teachers tell me all my life that I write how I talk. My literary device of choice is prose and I do know that it is part of what makes things that I say compelling. I guess that too is a flaw that makes for part of my charm.
On the other hand, I think that is what makes social media so great. Even when we are feeling our lowest we want to put our best foot forward for the world to see. We want people to think that we have it all together in hopes that it inspires others. I can think of many who post about how well work is going, the people they meet, and whatever who are lonely people that just want to feel loved and would trade all if their success for that.
One of the things I’m working on is being a little more personal. As much of my life as I share it often comes off calculated and lacks vulnerability. I’m kind of closed off and I have always been that way. I have a soft spot for only two people and everything else rolls off my back. I over think everything; but do so until I come up with a great and almost foolproof plan. I obsess over miniscule and almost irrelevant details when things don’t go as planned because they’re the variables I didn’t think of. I’m a horrible communicator of my feelings. I’m frustratingly nonchalant and laid back. I’m probably a little too forgiving. I’m a realist who wants to be optimistic but cynically expects disappointment in almost everyone and. I come off cocky and arrogant; but I’m incredibly shy (no one believes this) and so much more.
Just thought I should take down my wall for once.