For as long as I can remember I always had a feeling that my first child was going to be a girl. There isn’t much rhyme or reason. Whenever I imagined myself being an adult and having a family I envisioned a daughter being the oldest of three.
As I got older and learned some things, I kind of believed in player’s curse: the concept of men who tend to break a lot of hearts have daughters. Just in case it was true, I tried my best to eliminate as much of that as possible. While the idea is rooted in superstition, the decision to do was was based on logic.
As soon as Timile found out she was pregnant, the first thing we thought of were girl names. She was hoping it wasn’t a girl because she wasn’t quite ready to relinquish the attention I gave her for another girl. Nonetheless, we both just kind of knew. We came up with boy names just in case we were wrong. Right before Christmas of 2010, we found out our intuitive intellect was correct and we were having a daughter.
I wanted to be the best dad I could be, so I would be all into the princess stuff and learn to braid hair. As it turns out, I would need to anyway because Cydney only has one living parent. Lord knows with the way that life has transpired I didn’t need to have a boy right now. I needed and still need Cydney to soften me up. I would be all kinds of jaded and hard on him.
Having a daughter as a single parent has definitely shifted my outlook on life. If her mother were alive, Cydney would see the way that I treat her as the foundation of the way she should be handled by men. I date my little girl. She doesn’t let me open doors or pull out chairs for her because she wants to do it herself. I still will let her know I’m taking her out to the city or to dinner as if it’s a special occasion so she can have something to look forward to and feel special.
Cydney is around me a lot. Because I have taken her on dates and because she’s Cydney, she considers herself the gatekeeper to whatever women are in my life. She’s very smart, so she definitely knows when I’m on the phone with a girl. If it is someone she approves of, she’ll let me talk. Otherwise, she’s going to talk all through my conversation. You’d have to be pretty special if Cydney wants the phone to actually talk to you.
While I’m pretty sure a few that I have dated would say I’m a little “dick-ish,” I do try my best to treat them the way I would want a man to treat Cydney. I’m pretty upfront about my intentions. That’s something I take very seriously. I told one person that whether it’s for one date or a lifetime if I’m interested in going to treat you special.
The truth of the matter is I either sugar coat the hell out of things to protect feelings or I’m incredibly blunt. My brusque way of talking is often mistaken as anger or being emotional. I like to get straight to the point and leave very little room for interpretation. There’s no need to read in between the lines if I’m being direct and if one does that is a reflection of them. It’s my way of showing that I’m sincere.
“I ain’t like them other n****s. And I ain’t ’bout to play no games wit cha.”