Paying Forward Reciprocity


I’m finally taking the time to write.  There have been months of ideas, anecdotes, thoughts, and tales to tell that took time to type thoroughly, that truly didn’t exist.

We often take the little things for granted.  However, the most minute gestures showing some semblance of care are the ones that mean the most to us.  Why?  They show that someone is being attentive to our needs when we aren’t.  Or they are paying attention to more than just the words out of our mouths by demonstrating what we mean to them by meeting our needs.  More often than not, we don’t return the favor.  There will be times in which that same person asks for some semblance of reciprocity and we will leave them hanging.

I often feel as if I am taken for granted.  What I am working on is not taking the times in which this has happened so personally.  Instead of reciprocity, they’ll pay it forward by giving it to someone else.  Honestly, that has made my life just a little more peaceful.

A couple of months ago, I happened to be in Queens one Saturday afternoon.  I stopped by my father’s place with Cydney just to say hi and hang out with him for a minute because it is something I don’t get to do very often.  I have been so tired these last few months that if I sit still for more than five minutes, I’m going to pass out.  Sitting on the futon in my dad’s studio, I slowly faded to black and didn’t realize it.  Not too long before that Cydney was jumping all over it to my right and more than anything I wanted her to stop.

I blinked and looked at my watch.  About an hour had passed.  Both Cydney and my pops were gone.  Thirty seconds later, Cyd walks in the door with ice cream in hand and my pops with a basket of clean laundry.  Not only did my father have things to do, when I first got there he told me that he had to pack up his equipment because he had a show to play for.  He put what he needed to do on hold, rearranged his schedule, and briefly took my daughter with him so that I could get some rest.  That meant the world to me.

Often I look tired as shit.  One glance at me and people will say “You look like you need a week’s vacation.”  They’re absolutely right.  Many times, people will listen or look at you, acknowledge that you have a need, and then proceed to suggest or tell you how you should solve it.  What people don’t realize is while they think they are helping, we’re isolating them.  “You should do _____” is very different from “What can I do to help?” or anything with the word “we” in it.  Nine out of ten times, what a person needs to get done won’t happen because they are feeling as if they are by themselves.

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