I keep a screenshot of the picture above. It has become a running joke among my friends and me. Usually the photo is sent via text message or whatever way I am communicating with them. It is the punchline that describes my facial expression and what I am thinking to myself in response to something someone either said that behavioral experts, scholars, and The American Psychological Association have defined as “that bullshit.”
Somebody’s gotta be “that guy.” God knows I live for great stories…so He keeps giving me great ones to tell. I am more than fine with this because He gave me the ability to write or orate tales of tragedy, drama, and “that bullshit” humorously with little to no embellishment (Note: the little is solely for reasonable doubt purposes and being cognizant that everyone forgets minor details and piece things together…I’m usually pretty dead on, though).
Within the past two weeks, both of my parents have said to me in some capacity or another that I am or that my way of thinking is pretty cynical. My father’s exact words were “You’re too young to be that cynical and jaded.” I explained something to my mother about people and seeing virtually everyone’s insecurities on Facebook. Her response to the tone and inflection as well as the words coming out of my mouth was “Wow, that’s really cynical.” I don’t like to believe that I am that distrustful of people. I’m a realist prepared for virtually anything who is quietly hoping for the best, yet expecting the worst, and running the gamut of possibilities so that I can be prepared to adjust, just in case I’m wrong on pinpointing people’s actions based on their behavioral patterns. However, my parents are my parents. They have nearly thirty years more life experience. They know their son; so they’re probably right.
I have joked around about being a cynic, wrote a post about it on this site, and often look at this trait of mine from a deficit perspective. People often see this as a negative trait. However, I believe that all aspects of one’s personalities that we dislike are also responsible for part of their charm. All creative people have a “dark side.” I guess this is mine. Being pretty distrustful of people has made way for me to tell honest tales-tragic or lighthearted-and never losing my sense of humor. Even when I drop this picture of N.O.R.E. with a thugged-out grimace, a song entitled “I Love My Life,” I make myself the punchline
even though I am laughing at someone being dumb. I guess it is my way of saying that I am holding myself accountable for my actions.
To make this all New Year’s-y, 2015 was pretty epic for me. Almost all goals that I set for myself last year I accomplished. Sure I gained about 35 lbs of mostly muscle. Yes, I quit smoking. I visited Timile’s cemetery and made some semblance of peace with my “in-laws.” These actions were all bi-products of a lifestyle change: self-acceptance. I can be a know-it-all, obnoxious, cynical, condescending, emotionally closed off, and so many more things. Nonetheless, you can always count on a great anecdote because of it.
I love my life…
Forgiveme if this post seems a little all over the place. I’m currently trying to force myself out of writer’s block.