Because I love social media…The goal is to throw in my two pennies based on what people post via memes.
My weekend has been filled with coaching kindergarten soccer and 9-10 year old baseball, so I was too tired to do due diligence (alliteration!) and write last night. Looking for last minute inspiration, I came across this little ditty from a friend of mine via my old phone.
A man will let a good woman walk by. Said good woman may not be the right woman for said man. The same goes for women letting a good man walk by. This is called dating. In 2016, there are more avenues for meeting people than ever. The laws of average suggest that most people we meet are not compatible. Generally speaking, we are initially attracted to the visual. Something about a person’s outward appearance draws us in. It may not be something as specific as eyes, hair, body type, pretty/handsome face, etc; it could be someone’s aura.
There are unconscious signs that we all give off that the other person recognizes and pays attention to. It’s science. If you look at animals outside of humans, you will notice that the male is usually more decorated to stand out from the pack for mating purposes: the lion’s long mane, the peacock’s feathers, the mallard duck with the blue face are some examples in nature. Female species usually make some kind of mating call or release a pheromone that let suitors know they are in heat and looking to mate.
Humans do things differently. Different cultures have varied ways of displaying and/or drawing in interest. When a woman is initially interested, her pupils dilate to draw in more light and there are ways that they will position themselves to engage…this is science.
After acknowledging a mutual interest, all species choose (with the exception of arranged marriages). In the wild, the female generally chooses the alpha male. Betas get chosen as well; but by other betas and neutered animals just stay in the friend zone. Humans are intellectual, so the initial draw wears off. At first, we love people who have things that are in common with our interests and overall outlook on life. It’s pleasing to our egos that someone is into the shit that we’re into. This all lets off a euphoric feeling that is chemical.
Dating is the process in which one is choosing not based on compatibility; but for companionship. We aren’t looking for a missing piece to our puzzle. We want someone who is their own entity that can be good company for the ride because we are social creatures. People who are often looking for a “fit” will find themselves in many “situationships” that are rooted in insecurity and temporarily fill a void aka infatuation. There are even sensations in this that are rooted in love…eros love. Eros love is the Greek concept of “intimate love,” or what most these days mistake for “real love.” It is defined as controlled by desires. It wants something and acts to satisfy that want. While it does have a place, this essentially is what we are feeling at the beginning of the dating process.
Eros love is rooted in selfishness. It is one seeking self-gratification. Once again, this has a place. It’s why we choose who we choose. Because of this, we attract who we currently are. If one is looking primarily to be loved, they will find themselves only meeting and drawing in people who are virtually looking for the same thing. Selfishness begets selfishness…which begins a perpetual cycle that is very difficult to break. It’s a thought that becomes a desire that becomes that becomes a lifestyle…that gets affirmed by repeated experiences happening over and over again.
Generally speaking, why does the cycle often repeat itself? One word: ego. We blame the other person who was initially selfish. We are the victim and hold zero to no accountability on ourselves. We call the man who walked away a boy or the woman a girl (or crazy) when the truth of the matter is there is something within ourselves that made this happen. Sometimes, people fall in love with their high school sweethearts and they evolve into other people and they grow apart. If they turned into a shitty person and continue to hurt us, we continued to let them hoping that the person we fell in love with comes back.
There are others in which something traumatic happened and they unconsciously devalue themselves for something that isn’t their fault; but they think that they are at fault. They think that all they deserve are the proverbial fuck-ups. This happens a lot and people don’t even realize it.
Nonetheless, it’s all fucking ego. We will put a more than healthy portion of the blame on the person. We wonder why we attract and/or date the same kind of person time and time again, without looking in the mirror. We need our egos to tell us that they were the reason things didn’t work out. It’s a self-affirmation that gives us the confidence to dust ourselves off and try again. One’s most prized possession is themselves…and rarely do we completely take care of ourselves, lick our own wounds, and HOLD OURSELVES ACCOUNTABLE.