Tag Archives: humor

Reverend Mason Betha Devotional: Love Thy Frienemies

Every Monday I will share an anecdote and/or existential life lesson based on teachings from your favorite rapper’s favorite pastor, Ma$e.
“Even Cam get money again.” Book of Double Up, chapter three: epilogue. 

Since I began the Mason Betha Devotional, it was only a matter of time before Ma$e became a headline. A little over a week ago, Harlem Diplomat Cam’Ron told the world that Ma$se became a pastor to protect himself from the streets. The good reverend dismissively refuted said claims. 

The first single from Ma$e’s sophomore album was a Shalamar-interpolating number entitled “Get Ready.” For a project named Double Up, it was only right the Harlemite told the world it was “get money” time once more. After he shouted out several of his constituents, he saved the best for last, Camron Giles, aka Cam’Ron.

 We grow a part from many that we once thought we’d never be able to live without; this was the case with Cam and Mas. Not only were they teammates on the basketball court, they were both members of the hip hop collective, Children of the Corn[er Preachers]. After being delivered when P. Diddy named him pretty, Betha introduced his good friend to the Notorious B.I.G. and Cam earned his own record deal.

Cam’Ron’s star began to rise in 1998. However, after recording a song hymn called “Horse and Carriage,” the former Manhattan Center teammates had a falling out over money and Puerto Rican Judo (Oh, jou don’t know what that is?). 

Cam’Ron didn’t have any follow-ups as big “Horse and Carriage;” and it seemed as if he could have possibly faded into obscurity. Betha not only made an attempt to bury the hatchet with his friend, he wished him well, and prophesied as well. 

Cam got money again. If people never get a shot at a first impression, Killa was the exception. He rapped incredibly well, showed the world that real mean wear and drive pink, ushered in one of the most revered crews in the Diplomats, gave Bill O’Reilly his greatest interview, told 60 Minutes he would move and not snitch if he lived next door to a serial killer, and as he pointed out in a confrontation with Betha, made $140 million in Sizzurp aka Manischewitz for the hood.

The two gents had a love/hate relationship. While their paths have separated, the two will forever be linked to each other. For every falling out on social media, there is a report of the two playing basketball or something like that. Cam’Ron even reciprocated Betha’s ministry with the last song on his Purple Haze album, “Take Em to Church.” Many thought the song was a diss; but it was a friend telling his other friend “I love you brother, please take these lost souls to church.”

The powerful lesson in this is to always speak life into others. There are many friends, family, and constituents I wish the best of luck to that I wouldn’t have too much to say in person. It may be best to love them from afar; but always keep them close to your heart.

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Tweet Through It: A Parent’s Thoughts During Their Child’s Christmas Show Pt. 2

 

25 years ago, I was that kid in kindergarten who loved to perform. I was Michael Jackson 2.0 in my head (I wore a silver, glittered hat that got thrown all over our apartment as I spun in the mirror and recited the words to my hit song “Ridiculous Girl.”). Elementary school shows were my time to shine and I had to let the whole world know what they needed to get the first glimpse of. One couldn’t tell me that every show I was in wasn’t entertaining.

Now on the other side of that coin, sitting through these shows is horrendous. They’re actually adorable; but there are many other things I would rather do than sit through that. However, it is endearing to see my child evolve from infant to rehearsing for weeks to sing songs of yuletide merriment.

With that said, here is this year’s Christmas tweets. With Cyd the Kid being in elementary school, I have to retire the crier count. Enjoy!

I decided not to sign Cydney out of school. There was a long line of parents, it was 2:30, and school gets out at 3. By the time I would have made it to the front of the line, the bell would have went off and she would be leaving anyway.

If you enjoyed this, here are the links to last year’s shows: Cydney’s Christmas concert, Courtney’s Christmas concert, Cydney’s Spring concert, Courtney’s spring concert.

What I Took From Lil Wayne’s Nightline Interview

 

The way I think we all watched the clip from Nightline.

Brian “Birdman” Williams was just given all of the leverage-and then some-to tell Lil Wayne “You need me more than I need you, playboi.”

In 1998, Cash Money Records’s flagship artist Juvenile released the music video for his breakout smash, “Ha.” While Juve was, is, and will forever be the hottest of the Hot Boyz, one couldn’t help but zero in on the kid with the cornrows who in stuck out amongst all of these grown men in New Orleans’ Magnolia Projects. Months later, that teenager with the Cash Money pendant engendered the greatest onomatopoeia of all time: bling bling. The Neo-Negro Spiritual, “Back That Azz Up” concludes with an exhortation in simile form that the world could relate to: wobbledy wobbledy wop, drop it like it’s hot.

Last night (November 1), ABC’s Nightline broadcasted an interview in which three years of interviews with the rapper born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr. were truncated into a six minute and change segment. Weezy F. Baby candidly pontificated “Yeah, if they callin’ her a b**** or a h**, I’d have a huge problem with that. But I’d never call a certain kind of female outside her name, unless I got a real big problem with a h**, yeah…,” referring how he would feel if his daughter was called words he has used frequently in his music. He expounded on his relationship with Mary, a woman he is often linked to (There’s God, my family, there’s my kids, there’s music, and weed…in that order). Man, does he have a way with words.

However, most of what the emcee formerly known as Shrimp Daddy had to say was eclipsed by none other than Lil Wayne, himself. When asked if he regretted his communiqué that there is no “such thing as racism,” Lil Weezyanna stuck to his caricature of being unapologetic by replying that he didn’t.

Reporter Linsey Davis followed this question up by inquiring how the New Orleans spitter felt about the Black Lives Matter Movement. And that’s where things got interesting:

So here’s the thing….

While I don’t share any of the same sentiments that this man expressed, I am not surprised. The 60 second portion that has gone viral and is currently inspiring as many think pieces as Tha Carter 3 sold in its first week is missing some context.

Lil Wayne is a rapper and mostly a damn good one. While this is a skill in which many think they could do cannot, studies have shown that the average rapper’s verbal dexterity is around a third grade reading level. So if the person that is the subject matter had made a nearly 25 year career communicating on an elementary level, why are so many people up in arms? Poet Laureate Clifford “T.I.” Harris eloquently stated what most of the world something that pretty much sums up the mindset of a plurality of rappers:  Man these n****s is all hype/Not even rappin’ on real mics/They just get high and say whatever the f*** they feel like.

The music industry-especially the business of hip hop-is a façade. The players that we see and hear are caricatures doing nothing more than playing a role as if it were real. While it is rooted in music and a culture, hip hop music is a competitive sport with rivalries and relationships between one another that are being nothing portrayed as real. Each personality must evolve aspects of their persona because a shtick can get stale very quickly, especially in the days of the internet.

Throughout his career, Mr. Carter has evolved from baby gangsta, to wunderkind, the Uptown Hot Boy in Gibraud jeans, heartthrob, the “rapper eater,” Martian, “Best Rapper Alive,” pop culture fixture, phenome, rock star, and skater. Now, he is the drugged-up shell of himself that still doesn’t give a fuck. To renege on his September statements regarding race would require Lil Wayne to break kayfabe.

Anywho…I’ll pretend this isn’t an act. Lil Wayne has been rapping professionally for over 25 years and has been a millionaire for at least 18 of them. If 80% of hip hop sales (music, concerts, merchandise, etc.) come from white audiences, his outlook is going to be skewed. While he has tattoos on his face and blonde locs, his naiveté is probably closer to Carlton Banks’ when he thought that he and Will Smith were arrested for driving too slow over by white policemen on that episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Wanye is rich and as he stated on the Fox show that started this whole cluster-fuck at his shows he sees all races. Even if it is dumb and inaccurate, who are we to judge him on his reality?

I found what Birdman J.R. said about prison to be more compelling and the portion on how prison changed his outlook on the world. In jail, the Best Rapper Alive mentioned that his stint in the bing (that’s not a “bling” typo) as most honest portion of the interview. With his eyebrows raised and eyes dilated to draw in light, the former Riker’s Island inmate says “I learned a lot about people. You’re all on the same level. You’re all going through the same thing. Everybody wants to go home.”

If you-the public-watch this portion again, he looks as if in his mind he is internally flashing back to being incarcerated and reliving moments within a flash. If you ask anyone who has ever done a bid, they will tell you that it changes who you are, how you see the world as well as those around you; and you can’t un-see it. Many leave and are institutionalized that they commit crimes to stay inside because they can’t function on the other side of prison walls. From those that I know who have been in the system will echo a similar sentiment as the Heart of Hollygrove, with regards to the only life that matters is their own.

The rest of the interview is then shot to shit; but the Young Money founder has to stay in character. He seems caught off-guard and gives his answer. He begins to bounce up and down, shifts around in his chair, and then ends the interview back in full Lil Wayne-mode, not giving a fuck, flaunting his gang flag, and storming out, proclaiming “I’m a gangsta.” I could be wrong; however, most of what I learned in my college psychology courses about discourse analysis suggests that the veil was pulled back and he had to regroup himself.

Flawless marketing for the book Lil Wayne is promoting. Clearly in other aspects of his career this guy has used his mouthpiece and platform to talk about the plight of Black America at the hands of law enforcement, federal and local government, and other blacks.

Fuck everything I just said…this is bullshit.

Everyone Tries To Marry Me Off…

I didn’t have any other picture to go with this post….
I have become that guy…the one that everyone tries to hook up with someone they know.

While others could-or would-possibly be annoyed by it, I find it funny. I get it. I’m 30; educated, tall, rumor has it I’m good looking, and seemingly a nice guy. Everyone knows someone who is nice and equally single and people don’t really understand why.

I am often asked “Why are you still single?” With a smile, I often reply with something along the lines of “I don’t know,” accompanied with a shrug. That is typically what they like to hear and it sounds a lot better than “I’m emotionally unavailable and incredibly selective with whom I deal with.” 

With bright eyes, people respond “I know a girl! She’s really pretty, she’s nice…,” they begin to run off said woman’s credentials. Education, career track, and then typically comes the hard-sell: “She doesn’t have kids and she has a body!” To prove their point, everyone pulls out their phone and shows a picture.

It happened thrice over the weekend. One of my best friends, Brandon, was in town for a funeral. We went to high school and college together, so his whole family has known me for umpteen years. I walked into the door, made my rounds, and right as I sat down, it started. Brandon’s family made a suggestion about one of his cousins. “You know Arbara, right?” I was asked. “Yeah, I do.” For the rest of the conversation, please refer to paragraphs above. 

Everyone’s suggestions come with the same caveat: they don’t live anywhere near New York. Being one of my closest friends and knowing all parties involved, Brandon shot everyone down and said “She lives in Indianapolis” to his family. The rebuttal: Right. She dances for the Indiana Pacers! I laughed and told them “I’m a [die-hard] Knicks fan who still hates Reggie Miller and all that he represents which is why I laughed heartily that he too retired with no championship.” For the record, the family was right about Arbara; she’s very pretty.

This became the subject of fodder while we sat around the table playing spades. I laughed and said “I’m the one everyone tries to marry off.” I told the table and the others in the run about my good friend from college, Chase, who is a newlywed and I guess wants me to be as happy as he is. I met someone at his wedding six months earlier and he’d heard about it. “We can be…!” He texted me and I followed with the punchline “But she lives in Dallas,” and the room erupted. There was another Chase story I wanted to tell about this anesthesiologist I was dealing with. His wife is one and he said “We can talk about this!” I didn’t tell that story because two of Brandon’s cousins know “Doc.”

Almost on-cue, Brandon’s wife, chimed in. “I know someone in Atlanta! She’s real pretty, she got a body on her, she’s a teacher, and she got a dope condo in a very nice part of town!” As she pulled out her phone to show off her friend, she told me “Just let me know the next time you’re in Atlanta and I’ll let her know!”

Once again, shorty was gorgeous; but there was that caveat. My boy came to bat once again, telling his significant other, “Chad can’t leave New York. He’s got two kids and they’re close.” The artist formerly known as $B has always been my go-to guy and voice of reason.

Once again, I don’t find any of this annoying or bothersome. I am very much entertained. Worst case scenario, I get to look at pictures of my friends’ pretty friends.

I don’t give the excuse of I’m too busy because most people know that’s bullshit. I once tried it and was told “A man makes time for the things he wants to.” The person who shut that down was someone I was beginning to date and she was right.

Upon writing this post, I reached out to Arbara to let her know that she’s partially the subject of today’s post. We both laughed about it. She told me that her family has attempted to auction me off to her as well.

Tweet Through It: A Parent’s Experience Through Their Child’s Preschool Spring Show

 

It’s about that time again…Cydney’s preschool had their annual Spring Fling show. My daughter nor I couldn’t be any more excited than we were for it. I couldn’t wait until see my baby showcase her talents at this this particular school before starting kindergarten. Unfortunately, that means that I have to sit through all of these other kids doing shit, too. A few months ago, I posted my my commentary of both Cydney and my nephew’s Christmas shows and thought I should do it again. Soooooo here we go!

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An Introduction to Meme Crush Monday

 

Like many ideas I have-including to some extent this blog-this started off as something I said to a friend of mine in jest.  I was making a joke about how people often let the world into their lives with one little quote they post on social media.  I proceeded to talk shit and quoted the picture above in a dramatic tone of voice for hilarity’s sake and said “I’m gonna rip into these dumb ass quotes on my blog and call it #MemeCrushMonday!”  I talk so much shit with my friend, Natrina, that I know when she pauses for a moment…I’m onto something.  As a creative, you learn to listen for that silence.  Those are the ideas one must explore a little; because someone thought deeply about what was thrown out there.

Creativity is part narcissism and crippling self-doubt and I live in the latter.  Come to think of it, there’s a good chance that my crippling self-doubt is what fuels my internal narcissism….but I digress.  I sat on the idea for a while because I know that my muse for this would primarily be friends and associates of mine who are simply just sharing.  I ran the idea by to my editor, Kweli, from Madamenoire.  As a veteran in the business, I trust when she thinks something is a good idea.  So fuck it and here we go.

I think it is hilarious when people post quotes on social media.  From the rise and grinders, the iPhone revolutionaries to want us all to stay woke by posting thirty times a day and posts 13-18 contradict the first one, the men giving unsolicited relationship advice to women, and of course, the Instagram honeys hustling tummy teas with the deep quote all while standing with a hip angle to poke their ass out (I love all of you…you make my mornings).  I appreciate you all.

If one pays close attention, what people post says a lot about them.  The content they share with the world demonstrates a behavioral pattern that even they aren’t aware of.  Without realizing it, I look at some of this and think “Your insecurity is showing!”  There’s nothing wrong with this.  Shit, I do it.  And because I’m fair, I’ll say mine: I’m afraid of stepping into a spotlight by myself, so I mostly post pictures of my kid and very seldom will you find a solo pic; and it damn sure won’t be a selfie.  I also am a guarded individual who hides behind layers of sarcasm and will preemptively make myself part of the joke to even the playing field so no one can say I’m unfair.  So if anyone at some point thinks I’m being a jerk, they can be redirected to this paragraph where I threw my insecurities out first.

My absolute favorites are the heartbreak quotes.  We’ve all been in the moment in which we are feeling heavy because someone has wronged us, bursting at the seams, and we need to let something out.  Often, we do this hoping that the one we are hurt about sees this and thinks “I want them to know I’m talking about them,” all while hoping this outlet gets them to think twice about their actions and do better.  Or if it’s the end, it’s that last ditch Hail Mary of saying how we feel.  The truth of the matter is, that person doesn’t give a fuck.  They may see it and feel a way; but they have already acted in a selfish manner, so you can’t help anyone who has done ill to you to see the error in their ways.  It’s damn near impossible to help people grow holding them accountable for their actions.

Very rarely am I laughing at the person in distress (well, there was that one time I was; but it was more or less in disbelief of “Nooooo, not you, too!” than taking joy in their misery…they had to tweet/post through it).  The silver lining in it all is that down the line, we can look at these moments and remember how we felt.  In order to know where one is going, we all need to take a glimpse in the proverbial rear view mirror.  People are less likely to make the same mistakes multiple times being able to look at themselves.

So, now that I’ve thrown this out there, I kind of have to post one of these every Monday.  My intent isn’t to be petty or make fun of anyone; it’s all for entertainment purposes while shedding a light to those little things we all pay attention to and yet it goes over our heads.

To my friends: I’m not making fun of you or what you post.  I’m not even thinking within the context of what you’re going through.  If there’s one you’d like to see me lampoon write about, send them my way.

 

The Caveats of 10 Reasons Why The Best Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With A Girl Who Loves ‘Too Much’

 

thought catalog

I love the internet and all of its subjectivity.  Social media allows us all to read whatever we want and share whatever we want displaying the parts of our identities we ultimately want to believe about ourselves.  Very eloquently, Leonard Mlodinow explained this concept in his book Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior.  He states that one’s brain is part scientist and part lawyer; but it is much better at being the latter than the former.  What he means is that we all have an ideal sense of self and will look for all of the evidence to convince ourselves that it is true.  In other words, we become who we think we are.

Last night, my friend Keya shared via Facebook an article from Thought Catalog entitled Ten Reasons Why he Best Relationship of Your Life Will Be With a Girl Who ‘Loves Too Much.’  It was a well-written piece.  However, the writer/cynic in me saw it as a piece in which an ideal that was written for women to relate to and of course, post repeatedly.  There’s nothing wrong with this.  Nonetheless, the woman that was described was nothing short of a unicorn.  There’s a yin to every yan that gives balance.  So as a guy, I’m going to point the tidbits that jumped out to me effortlessly.

FOR THE RECORD: I personally love this kind of woman.  For every quality we love about people are also roots for the things we cannot stand.  BOTH contribute to the charms that we love about them.

1. She will bring incredible positivity to your life…And for all of the positivity means taking everything to heart which leads to drama.

Loving hard means being emotional.  Being emotional means that one [usually] has a very high emotional IQ.  Having heightened senses means said person very sensitive.  Emotions and logic are oil and water.  That is why we have two sides to regulate the other.  In the heat of the moment, shit can and will get very real.

2. She will get you over any past relationship, hurt, or trust issue…But she won’t be over hers.

Generally speaking, we all give advice that we don’t necessarily adhere to.  When others do it, we call it being hypocritical.  When we do it, it’s called “being human.”  Classic case of the brain pulling a “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” on ourselves.

3. She will show you what love really feels like…And love suffers long.

The biblical definition of love starts off with “Love suffers long.”  In other words, love means putting up with someone’s shit.  We put up with someone’s shit because they suffer through ours.  It’s a perpetual circumstance that makes us all appreciate others.

4. She will never let you feel empty…And will let you KNOW when she feels empty.

People who love too much are very self-aware.  They are very in-tune with their feelings and can articulate it to a tee.  Because being emotional is an “in the moment” kind of thing, one must express their unhappiness while they are feeling that way…otherwise they will burst at the seams.  This isn’t even including all of the times they have talked everything out with their friends and the proverbial battery has been put into their back, WITHOUT consorting with the person first (a top three killer of relationships).

5. She will teach you forgiveness…and not forget a damn thing you’ve done.

You must forgive and forget…but they won’t.  In a period of happiness and tranquility, there will be “I think it’s funny that…”

6. She will be fiercely loyal to you…for a price.

Loyalty always costs.  State Farm will be there like a good neighbor because you pay them to do so.  Said contracts and bonds between two parties have all kinds of clauses that are steeped in double-standards that benefit both.  You can’t flirt but she can and when it’s called out, you get the “So what?!”  But those same caveats work in their parnter’s favors in other ways.

The author states that “She will value you, so much that she would never do anything to hurt you.”  I couldn’t help but laugh at this.  Nobody on earth will hurt you or disappoint you more than your spouse will; quantitatively and qualitatively.  It goes both ways.

7. She’ll open your heart to emotions…HER emotions and there will be many of those.

Respond to them the wrong way and there WILL be a “talk.”  No man ever likes “the talk.”  Said dialog is really a monologue in which must respond correctly because their mind is made up on what one should say or there will be a fight because their feelings are hurt.  The problem with this is that there are expectations which means one can’t think from an objective point of view.

8. She’s going to fight with you and more importantly, for you…and she will fight YOU.

‘Nuff said.

9. She will always choose to work through problems rather than walk away…Working through=Her way or no way.

Sometimes she will humor you and give the illusion to make you think they’ll try it your way.  However, the game is rigged and it will ultimately fail so that they can say they were right and you must forever do things their way.

10. She’ll love your darkest places…and will use them against you.

There was a Kevin Hart bit in which he said that worst thing a man can say is calling a woman the “b” word; but she will cut so deep just to hurt your pride (“Yeah, whatever, you pissing in the bed ass boy…BOOYAW!  Right in front of your mom [on Christmas].”).  Accurate.  If she’s pregnant, multiply that by infinity and then raise it to the infinity power…there may be a reduction to this; but what’s the square root of infinity?  Infinity.

I say this all in love and humor…but I did run this by a few who “love too much” for validity.

 

#Formation: Beyonce Gave The Valentine’s Day Blueprint

 

Valentine’s Day is this week.  Up until last night, everyone was figuring out what to do and how to make the day special, and then Beyonce came through and told almost everyone how to spend it and spend theirs on it: on Beyonce and to say that it was marketing genius was an understatement.

On Saturday afternoon, I two things woke up from my post-taking Cydney to soccer nap.  I first heard my daughter and nephew yelling in the middle of play; but I have all but become an expert in ignoring that.  Then a sound on my phone set off a notification that I rarely hear, so it was easy to pay attention.  It was Tidal informing me that the almighty Queen Bey had released a video and that I should watch it.  I justify my $10-per-month Tidal subscription because it is the only platform that has Prince’s whole musical catalog -but no Rave U2 The Joy Fantastic, which is worth me unsubscribing-and that in itself is worth listening to an hour a month for $120.  So outside of Prince, I felt like it was fiscally responsible for me to check this video out.

“Formation” was masterfully executed, edited, and a bag with hot sauce in it.  The video was unapologetic in its blackness and there are 1,413 thinkpieces writing about it as we speak.  She sat on a cop car in post-Katrina New Orleans and flashes of the natives ice grilling the camera.  I felt like I had seen this music video before…

 

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I went on the various platforms of social media to see how people responded to it.  My mind’s first reaction to all stimuli is to find the humorous undercurrent and then to point it out.  I was more than entertained by all opinions.  There were a few quotable lyrics; but one stood out more than the others: If me f*ck me good, I might take his ass to Red Lobster.  I’ve had my fair share of pre and post coitus trips to the IHOP of sea food; and there is no carbohydrate on the planet that can prepare or replenish your body properly like cheddar bay biscuits.  If you’re smart, you get a to go bag for the second round.

The nod to Red Lobster and the one about keeping a bottle of hot sauce in one’s purse (now that I think about it, I’m almost shocked I didn’t see the argument of Frank’s vs Texas Pete vs Louisiana happen at least once), and felt like there was something to this.  About five minutes after I saw the video, Bey’s site had merchandise with all of the catchy phrases on it, already.  She and her team already knew what the masses were going to fall in love with.  This is all occurred approximately thirty hours before Bey was set to perform at the Halftime Show of the Super Bowl.

Right after Beyonce performed, there it was…the #Formation World Tour.  Tickets go on pre-sale February 9th and go on sale the 16th.  Everything had clicked and the marketing strategy was reminiscent of what Denver’s pass rush to Carolina’s o-line.  Beyonce Knowles-Carter had given the blueprint for Valentine’s Day: Fuck flowers, candy, and all that traditional Valentine’s Day shit.  Payday is Friday.  Pay your mid-month-utility and cable-bills, go out to eat at a reasonably priced establishment in which there are at least three within a ten-mile radius, and then spend your tax refund on tickets for the summer…all while giving the finger to Sallie Mae and your student loans.  There’s no need to over-think Valentine’s Day this year, baby.  The work has been done for you.

None of this has any bearing for me.  Cydney turns five on the fourteenth and for once in forever, I’m not dating or involved with anyone.  However, I will admit that Beyonce puts on a great show.  I took someone to the One the Run tour with Jay Z and it was a great show, so I highly recommend going to see it.  The New York show is at Citi Field in Queens.  There is plenty of parking, multiple highways to get out of as well as local streets for traffic flow, the 7 train and the LIRR.  LaGuardia Airport is two exits away, also…so you can fly in for the show, take a cab, and then get right back on a plane to go home.  If I’m seeing someone between then and early June, I’ll see what StubHub got going for me and make it happen.

Oh, and by now, you should have used the credit card to buy the merch so that it can be delivered to your place of residency by Saturday.  If you really want Red Lobster, have the merchandise shipped to her place of work on Friday to make everyone at work jealous.  Thank you, Queen Bey and you’re welcome to those who I’m connecting the dots for.

Tweet Through It: A Parent’s Thoughts During Their Child’s Christmas Show

While I don’t get to use the app as much as I used to, I love Twitter. It gives people the chance to express their thoughts in 140 character outbursts. There is nothing in the world like it.

The number one best thing about Twitter is when all factions of #BlackTwitter congregate and give their thoughts about an award show, a major television event, or television show. The second best thing about this wonderful place is watching people “tweet through” the struggle. Sometimes it’s a story, others it’s their heartbreak (the BEST), and then there’s just the need to vent.

Well, yesterday was my nephew’s Holiday Show at his elementary school. It was at 9 am and it’s a show at an elementary school. All of us adults and parents must suffer through all of the terrible performances to sit there and be so damn proud of our children. Seeing them do their best definitely makes the wait worthwhile; but not while you’re sitting there actually waiting. With that said, here is my play-by-play commentary of one of many shows like this that I will have to sit through in my lifetime.

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Four Turning Thirty: My Daughter’s Big Plans For Her Birthday

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Happy New Year!

It’s been a while and there is plenty to catch up on and I will make sure to do so for real.

Cydney is turning four on Saturday. Ever since January 2nd this has been virtually all that she’s concerned about. Every commercial that comes on Disney Jr is followed up with “Can I have that for my birthday?” She’s not being annoying about it; she’s just excited because she knows it’s Cydney season (Well, every day is but it really is come February).

Cydney is focused on becoming a big girl. She’s potty trained; but we’re still working on the overnight bathroom scenario. She says that when she turns four she’s not doing that anymore. She’s also getting herself dressed, picking out her own clothes, and bathing herself as of Saturday. Typical toddler things that she’s saying because it’s pretty normal to want independence at the tail and of three.

Cydney is definitely an old soul. For the last three weeks she made it clear that four years old is her coming off age. She’s going to be an adult. I have been informed that she will be growing hair on her legs because big girls have that. While getting her ready for her bath she told me “When I turn four I’m growing scabs” while pointing at her chest. She was dead serious. Apparently four means becoming a woman.

I find humor in the things that Cydney says because she isn’t joking. There is no comedic undertone in the statements that she makes. Because I think she’s been here before, I’m thinking these moments are the older spirit seeping out. She speaks her mind and is clearly observing things that she sees and is articulating what she seems to have thought out thoroughly.

In three days my daughter will be turning thirty. How do I know this? She told me.