Normally Wednesdays are dedicated to the struggle and I definitely have one but I will share that tomorrow.
This last week, I’ve had the same conversation twice in very different contexts but it came down to the same thing: someone adding value to you life in the context to being with a person long term and with someone you’re just starting to talk to and get to know.
In the first conversation it was about whether or not adding value to someone means actually making one better. While it can possibly be a catalyst its ultimately your decision on whether or not you aspire to be great. Adding value is a fluid concept. It could be they just make you happy to you’ve learned a few tricks in the boudoir. The second conversation was yesterday and I was asked about my parameters when it comes to dating. I was asked whether or not do I assess whether or not something is worth pursuing based on whether or not they add value to my life and whether or not they could make me a better person or not.
It wasn’t until this morning that while I had answers to both conversations what my answer to all of that is. Cydney woke up early this morning and was bawling her eyes out and would not fall asleep unless it was in my arms. When she eventually went back to sleep, I thought about it. Cydney doesn’t necessarily add anything to my life right now. She’s a toddler and all she does is take. She’s inspired me to do much more than I’ve done before. But she makes my life worth living because being with my little girl makes me happy.
As I thought about Cydney it made me think of her mother and my five years together. Lord knows we’ve had some good, bad, and volatile times (BOY could I tell some stories). If you’ve got married those vows you take are the blueprint. I feel like with my recent life experiences I’ve self actualized pretty young.
I told my friend from the second conversation this morning that after having a day to think about it in context to relationships I find myself having more in common with my grandmothers who have both lost their husbands than people my age. Losing a partner makes you see things differently. While most people my age in their mid and late twenties are looking for who and how someone ass value to their life, how you all can grow, and take on the world as a whole, I’ve found myself more concerned about just having good company. Now that who I thought was my life partner is gone, I don’t think about wow, she made me a very good person, how she made me grow, or any of that. I think about what a good time we had together. All of the adverse things that made the lows we went through just a little easier as well as the days when we wanted to give up keep going because you want to continue having good times with that person. Since I am still young and there is much room for improvement, someone who can keep you on your toes is still important it comes second as of now.
I told my friend who is a newlywed that those vows they’ve taken can become are all about holding on through the best and the worst of times. However, the most important part which isn’t addressed is being good company. Being that makes all adversities not so bad. Plus you’ll always want to improve to make them so that you two can continue to be great company to each other.